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July 8, 2017

Dear Beyoncé,

I’m not entirely sure why you are still ignoring my letters, telephone calls, texts and tags? Maybe your PA has just failed to pass on my messages? All I want is to help you adjust to having a newborn in the house mansion again…and this time it’s twice the work nannies! As Hillary Clinton says, “it takes a village”.

I’ve done a little a lot of research on Baby Center as to what you could expect at this point in time:

Baby Development at 1 Month

  • Holding Head Up
  • Exploring Extremities
  • Learning to Self Soothe
  • May Gurgle, Grunt, Coo and Hum
  • Eyes Can Track Objects

“Beybies” Development at 1 Month

  • Holding Microphone Up
  • Exploring Monogram on Robe, Sequins on Bodysuits and Faux Fur on Knee High Boots
  • Learning to Apply Contouring Makeup to Self Soothe
  • Sings The National Anthem at NBA Games
  • Eyes Will Track Overly Aggressive Paparazzi in a Crowd

You don’t realize how embarrassing it was to shop at the party supply store, picking up decorations for this blog installment and have the retail associate ask:

“Oh! Twins!!! Whose expecting twins?!”

“Beyoncé. Beyoncé had twins. This is for her. And the Beybies.”

This is what I do. For you.

And I even created a special cocktail for you to celebrate with. And Jay Z. (Are you really sure you want to be with him? You are a strong, independent women. With Nannies.)

Beybie Mama Soother

Yours in Décor,


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